Getting Your Child Ready for the New Baby
Tips to Help Ease a Child Into the Role of Big Brother or Sister
Oct 24, 2009
One of the most worrisome parts of a second pregnancy is the fear of what the older child (or children) will feel about a new baby. "Will Mom and Dad still love me? Will Mom and Dad still play with me?" This and more runs through a worried mom-to-be’s imagination of her child’s thoughts and feelings. With a little preparation, however, parents can ready their child for the upcoming joyous occasion.
Preparation for Older Siblings
The first step is to carefully consider the child’s age and abilities before deciding on how best to approach her about a new baby brother or sister. Know what the child is capable of understanding, and tailor these tips to best suit him or her.
Parents should tell their son or daughter as early as they can. Wait until after 12 weeks when the chance of miscarriage has greatly diminished. Don’t forget to make it a fun and happy bit of news. Use an excited tone, not an apologetic one. Young children take their cues on what they should be feeling by watching their parents’ reactions.
If the children will be sharing a room, get it set up a month or more before baby’s arrival. Giving the child plenty of time to acclimate can be the key in making a smooth transition.
Invariably, the question of where babies come from is bound to come up. Again, tailor the answer to the child’s age. The explanation does not need to be graphic, but many 4 and 5 year olds can grasp the concept of babies growing in mommy. Some children will easily accept this without further explanation, and some might actually imagine that Mommy ate a baby and now it’s growing in her tummy. Make sure to know how well the child understands.
There are also great books and TV shows that explain what it means to be a big brother or sister. These can be great tools in helping explain what’s happening. If parents are having trouble tactfully explaining pregnancy and babies to the little one, they should not hesitate to use these. DVDs of television shows can be easily purchased at most stores, allowing parent and child to watch together and promote discussion.
Include the child in some of the excitement of pregnancy. Maybe big bro can help in the naming process, or big sis can help put toys together for the new baby. Getting them involved and excited can give them a feeling of participation rather than standing on the sidelines while their life changes.
One of the biggest tools to help a little one cope with the baby is by buying the child his or her own baby doll. If parents are uncomfortable buying their first born son a doll, let him use a stuffed animal. Show him how to feed and rock a baby. Let him have one of the newborn diapers to play with. That way when the baby does arrive he can take care of “his baby”, freeing Mom or Dad up to take care of theirs.
The Big Arrival, at the Hospital and Home
Make sure to have something for the child to bring the new baby at the hospital. Let him pick it out by himself if possible. Gear him towards items that can be used for the baby as soon as possible, such as a special blanket or stuffed animal. That way he can see his present being put to use.
Also, many parents buy a toy for big brother and big sister. This can be “from the baby” and usually endears a child to his little sibling quickly. However, be sure to wait to give the toy until after the older child has had a bit of time with the new baby. That way big sister or brother can meet the baby without immediately getting distracted with the new toy.
Many children, especially the very young, tend to regress a little with a new baby. Those who have been potty trained may start having accidents, they might cry instead of using their words, or they may want the bottle for themselves. Don’t worry, this is normal. Be patient, it will pass. Parents can help curb regression by staying calm and reinforcing "big kid" behavior with lots of praise.
Children love to help and the baby is a perfect opportunity to let them. Allow them go get the diaper, or sing the baby a lullaby while preparing a bottle. Let the child take pride in being the big brother or sister. Parents, however, need to remember to restrain from relying on their older child for too much. The older the child is, the easier it is to foist too many responsibilities on his shoulders. Be careful to remember that the older child is not a babysitter. Big brother and sister need attention from their parents too.
As much as she can be helpful, occasionally big sis might be a hindrance too. She may want to help change that poopy diaper, or feed the baby when she’s too young to take those tasks on. Reinforce that baby doll or stuffed animal. Young children can cope well by mimicking, so let them mimic with their own baby. Parents can care for the newborn, and older siblings will still feel like they’re playing.
Most importantly, parents need to be sure to take time to care for themselves. Having children is a challenge and they deserve to have their parents happy and healthy.
Know what the child is capable of, and be prepared to juggle. Spend that one on one time with each child and no one will feel left out. Make mimicking playful, and give the child age appropriate tasks to help him feel apart of this happy, life changing event.
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