Preparing a Child for a New Sibling
Getting a Toddler or Older Child Ready for the New Baby
Sep 23, 2009
When a new baby sibling is on its way, the concern for older children is well-founded. Young children are typically excluded from the decision to have a new baby, but often must sacrifice the most in terms of parents’ time and attention. In all the commotion and upheaval surrounding the preparations for a new infant, sometimes the needs and worries of older siblings can get lost.
Helping Toddlers With a New Baby
Toddlers – ages two or three – may be struggling just to grasp the concept of the new baby and what it will mean for them. They might enjoy patting Mom’s tummy and talking excitedly about the baby, but may not fully understand that the baby will be living with the family permanently after he or she is born. It may be helpful to use dolls, books, and examples from friends and family to help toddlers understand the concept of a new baby and all its needs.
Once the new baby arrives, toddlers might also struggle with sharing the parents’ time and affection with a younger sibling. This struggle may be exhibited in constant pleas for attention, trouble sleeping, or even regressing with milestones like potty training or eating habits. A toddler may express a desire to “be the baby,” by behaving like a baby, demanding to be held more often, or even requesting a bottle. Parents should not respond to these behaviors with anger – even though they can be frustrating, particularly when caring for a new infant.
Helping a toddler adjust will mean striking a balance – comforting and reassuring the child while emphasizing that he or she is a big girl or boy now, and does not need to be treated like a baby. Special time alone with each parent on a regular basis, along with treats or outings “just for big kids” will help the toddler to feel special and loved; and help him to define his own place in the family.
Older Children and Baby Siblings
Children ages four and older may be more able to understand the idea of a new baby sibling, but they have many of the same concerns as toddlers when it comes to the new arrival. Older children may feel more openly threatened by, or jealous of, the presence of a new baby. They may also experience fear during the pregnancy that something will happen to Mom when the baby is born. Books and dolls might help some older children to adjust to the idea of a newborn; but older children may also benefit from more explicit explanations.
Parents, for example, may wish to explain the types of changes that the child will experience once the baby has arrived. This could include changes in the family’s daily routine, and any new responsibilities the older child might have as a big brother or sister. Emphasize the important role that big brothers and sisters will play in the life of the baby, and point to family examples if they are available.
Older children will also want to feel prepared for the birth process, so it is helpful to explain step by step what will happen, who the child will stay with when Mom goes to the hospital, what visits will be like, and what the doctors and nurses do to help babies when they are born. If the new sibling will be adopted, it will be even more important to explain the process and timeline as much as possible. Older siblings may enjoy creating a special “welcome home” card or sign for the new arrival.
For Siblings of All Ages
Since the arrival of a new baby represents a tremendous change in the lives of siblings, however, it is important that parents attend to the needs and feelings of children at each stage of pregnancy, labor, and bringing the new baby home. While there are common themes among children with new siblings, every child is different.
Transitions, even positive ones, can often be challenging and take time. Children will be more comfortable when they know what to expect, and are included in the process of caring for the new baby. With all children, parents should communicate often, be honest and reassuring, and expect some setbacks along the way.
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