Toddlers naturally want to do tasks on their own, to be independent. Learn how to capitalize on that and help kids learn perseverance and self-reliance.
There may be fewer things better than the look on a child’s face when they have accomplished something. The pride, the disbelief, the wanting to share the triumph of their achievement. Look at me!!! That feeling of confidence gives them the strength to try something else, everything else, because they believe they can do it. How can we enhance this process, and help our kids learn to feel capable enough to take on the whole world?
Set a positive example. How do your kids see you react to frustration and difficulty? Do you have a defeatist attitude, or do you display patience and perseverance? Practice modeling positive self-talk for your children. “Well, that didn’t work, so what should I try next? I’m not giving up!”
Praise effort, not just results. Kids can’t always control the outcome, but they can control the type and amount of effort they put into something. Complimenting specific elements of the process is usually more helpful than praising the end result. Example: “You really worked hard on that puzzle,” or “You’re really trying to use your fork!” Complimenting effort also teaches kids that their success is determined by how hard they work at something, and not by their innate abilities.
Embrace challenges. Don’t rush to “do it” for your child at the smallest sign of frustration. Instead, gently encourage him to figure it out on his own, Comments such as “I know you can do it! Try again!” models an expectation of determination, and conveys confidence in your child’s ability. It often takes longer this way, but its well worth it. Taking the time to let kids experience challenges is one of the most important tasks parents have.
Build confidence. Despite all the buzz about building self-esteem, there is really only one way to do that: task mastery. When encouragement isn’t enough, most parents naturally scaffold for their kids; providing just enough assistance that they can be successful, letting them grow more independent with each go at the task. Success breeds confidence, which helps them to tackle other challenges.
Avoid perfectionism. Kids who fear not doing something “exactly right” become risk-aversive; they may fear new experiences and challenges. These kids also suffer from stress and often have trouble developing creativity because they are always looking for that “one perfect way of doing it.” Provide your child with plenty of opportunities to think and play “outside the box”, and encourage his choices. Rather than saying, “No, the doll’s dress goes on like this,” try, “Oh, you want to put the doll’s dress on her head! What a fun idea!”
Please also see Raising a Reader, Fun Family Activities That Teach, and Learning Through Play Activities.
