In order to think like a toddler, you have to understand the developmental processes that your child is undergoing. For babies, there is no distinction between them and their mothers. During the first year, however, they start to discover that they are separate beings until, by around fifteen months, they are able to assert their own will by pointing at a desired piece of cake or making a fuss about having to sit in their buggy. At the same time, their developing mobility enables them to assert themselves by toddling away from you when it’s time to leave the playground.
Toddlers and Developing Language
At the same time, his language skills are developing, and he will soon discover the word "no!" Although this can be frustrating, it’s important to realise that this apparent negativity represents an important stage in a toddler’s development. By using words such as "me", "mine" and "no", a toddler is showing that he now sees himself as separate from you. Seen as an important developmental milestone, this can be less frustrating to the parent.
Toddlers and Independence
Burgeoning independence is notoriously difficult for parents to deal with. One minute, your toddler is insisting on doing everything for herself and wants to walk at a snail’s pace when you’re in a hurry; the next, she’s demanding to be carried to the shops, and cries if you leave the room for a matter of seconds. However, realising that she’s caught in the painful gap between babyhood and childhood proper, will help parents to understand why she’s behaving in this way. She wants to do things for herself, but finds it physically difficult. She has impulses, but doesn’t have the language for them.
Toddlers Live in the Moment
If parents want to think like their toddlers, they also have to remember that toddlers live entirely in and for the moment. If a toddler wants an ice-cream, he wants it now. Even waiting for the wrapper to be removed is an intolerable delay.
Not only are toddlers unable to anticipate pleasurable events: they are also unable to link past and present. So they will fall off the chair that their parents told them not to climb on and scream blue murder, only to repeat the feat minutes later. It can seem like willful defiance when parental warnings go unheeded; in fact, toddlers have to learn by repeated action.
Disciplining Toddlers
The same is true of disciplining toddlers. Everything is new to them. They have no idea of right and wrong, and have to learn it all from scratch, by example and experience. Teaching toddlers the rules of "good behaviour" requires repetition, patience and time. They will repeat the forbidden action over and over again, but with patient and clear reminders from their parents, the message will eventually sink in.
Reducing Toddler Tantrums
One great thing about thinking like a toddler and understanding her simultaneous independence and clinginess is that it should reduce the likelihood of the dreaded tantrums. Practically all toddlers have tantrums varying from occasional and mild to frequent and violent. Sometimes, they’re caused by frustration (for example, your toddler wants to move her trike, but finds it too heavy); sometimes they’re caused by a clash of interests (your toddler wants to spend the morning inspecting drains when you have a doctor’s appointment to keep).
Rather than being frustrated by toddler tantrums, it is a good idea to identify the trigger. Does she want attention? Are you asking her to stop a favourite activity? Is she hungry or tired? Once you’ve worked out the common causes, you can take steps to head it off before she gets into full-blown tantrum mode.
Don’t Offer Too Much Choice
Offering toddlers too many choices can also lead to tantrums. However bright and articulate a toddler is, he still needs to know that his parents are in charge. Offering a limited choice (blue trousers or red trousers?) will allow him a degree of independence whilst reassuring him that you are in control. For the same reason, avoid trying to negotiate with a toddler.
Toddlers can present numerous challenges to parents. However, understanding the developmental process involved in the transition from babyhood to childhood proper will make it easier for parents to deal with the inevitable frustrations of the "terrible twos".
